International Spank Out Day

Today we are celebrating International Spank Out Day to raise awareness of the importance of children’s well-being and to provide educational information to parents about non-violent alternatives. Because our children are our future! 🙂

Why are we constantly reminded?

We believe that most of you want your child to become an independent, self-confident, young person in the future, successfully coping with the various life challenges. To be successful in school, to be successful in relations with their peers, and to make good decisions daily. As it is challenging to grow up, it is also challenging to be a leader for children along the way. Although the idea of ​​parenting stirs up some great feelings in us, we have to admit that being a parent is also a great challenge. Sometimes parenting methods are used automatically and they seem logical and effective, but may not be the best choice. We may not see the unpleasant consequences of such methods for the child at that moment, but very often we become aware of them later. We often hear among parents that there is no effective parenting without occasional corporal punishment. Reaching out to corporal punishment is not only socially unacceptable and legally punishable but in doing so we give children a message and teach them that violence is okay and that it is acceptable to be violent when confronted with a problem.

Have you ever done the same thing by reminding your child that he/she should not beat others? You asked the child not to solve the problems with violence, and at the same time you choose physical punishment for solving parenting problems. What concluded the child? My parents solve problems with violence, which means it’s okay. Remember that children learn by model and

“Don’t worry about your kids not listening to you, worry because they look at you all the time.”

It is the parent’s responsibility to guide and discipline the child through growing up. Although many parents associate discipline with punishment, discipline is not the same as punishment. Punishment is a conscious decision to cause pain to make a child behave the way we want him to. Through leadership and discipline, we teach children acceptable behavior by setting boundaries, letting them know what we expect from them. We offer them behaviors that we consider acceptable with knowledge of their consequences. When we say no to punishment, we do not mean no to consequences. It is important to familiarize your child with the consequences of breaking the rules as well as the consequences of unacceptable behavior. For example: If you throw sand at other children, your playing in the park will end. And then it is also important to be consistent so that the child learns what behavior goes with what consequences. This is how we build and maintain a strong relationship with the child that makes the child WANT to continue to follow us.

How can we successfully guide a child without punishment?

Regulate your own emotions. Watching your children learn to manage their own emotions. Admit your feelings to children, then show them how to deal with the same feeling when it comes to them. When you’re upset, find your way to calm down. When we are calm, we act more appropriately.

Recognize and acknowledge your children’s emotions. Let them know you are there for them and understand that they are angry, sad, upset, or irritated. This creates a safe environment in which the children can express their emotions, which triggers their unacceptable behavior. When a child has a breakdown, they are unable to learn. Leave what you have to say to them later when they can hear you.

Set boundaries concerning your children’s opinion. When children feel respected, it is easier to accept the limitations. We don’t have to always agree with them, but we can let them know that it matters to us what they think. We all want to feel important and feel free. Give them importance, by offering them a choice between behaviors that you find acceptable. You still have control! J We also encourage their independence, which is necessary for them when we are not in their vicinity.

Reaffirm acceptable behaviors. Praise is more effective than punishment. Let the children know that you like what he or she is doing. The children also deserve praise for the effort they put in, regardless of the end goal. It will feel important and so will build confidence.

Be consistent. When we expect children to obey the rules, we must follow them ourselves. If we set a rule, which we break after some time because it is easier for us at that moment, we cannot expect the children to respect it. For example, if we set the rule that no cell phones are used during lunch, and tomorrow we allow the same because we need peace, the child no longer takes it as a rule, but as something that depends on our mood, day or persistence.

Introduce children to the consequences of breaking the rules. It is advisable to let the children choose what to give up in the event of a violation. This is how we teach them to take responsibility for their actions.

We all learn from our successes and our failures. Just as we and our children need successes and failures to grow and develop, so their failures should not be seen as your failures in parenting, but as a stimulus for further guidance. Finally, it is important to have realistic expectations and to be aware at all times of what stage of growing up we are going through with the child. To be good leaders, we must understand the path we are taking with our children. 🙂

Center Luka Ritz