Sadness ?

This Monday we wrote about anger and today we’re going to tell you something about sadness.

Sadness is feeling known to everyone and is also one of our basic emotions. When we see someone crying we often feel the need to make that person happy as soon as possible and solve their problems. It often happens that when adults see a small child crying, they start calming the child because they can be annoyed by their’s expressions of sadness. Thus, sometimes they try to stop the child’s sadness or its expression by telling them that “you are big boy/girl and big girls/boys don’t cry” or “boys/girls shouldn’t cry. ” or  „only babies cry – you are not a baby!“. Surely we all have heard it at least once in our lifetime. However, when it comes to sadness, it is especially important that we allow ourselves to grieve the loss, separation, or injury we have experienced – even if we are big or small!

We often consider sadness as something to avoid, but feelings are there to help us. Feelings of sadness are important to us because they can slow us down and calm us down, help us accept something we have lost, help us understand what is important to us or even help us to get to know others better – what is important to that person, what he/she likes and what he/she does not.

You may be wondering why?

Although sadness is one of the primary emotions, in some circumstances it can become a problem. Imagine that you made one small snowball. If you put that snowball on the floor and roll it down a slope covered in snow – your lump will grow bigger and bigger and gain speed – becoming more destructive by the end of its journey, than it was at the beginning. It’s the same with sadness. If we keep the feeling of sadness to ourselves and don’t express it, it can grow bigger and bigger, like our snowball, and have greater consequences. It can start to press on us from the inside and even cause pain in our bodies (stomachache, headaches, etc.), make us eat more or less, or make us very tired and prompt difficulties in our concentration and attention. It can lead to reduced motivation for activities we normally enjoy or contribute to us being more nervous and irritable than before. In these cases, it is important to recognize these signs in ourselves or others and seek help.

It is also important to keep in mind that sadness manifests itself in children in different ways than in adults.  Small children do not know how to express their feelings in words (sometimes it is difficult for us adults as well). Of course, a sad child can cry, as a sad adult can. But children can often show aggressive behaviors even though their primary emotion is sadness. For example, a child who is sad because he has recently lost a family pet may fight more frequently with others in kindergarten or school. Moreover, a child may react more intensely than an adult might do. If you take a toy from a child, that child may start to intensively cry, even though he has a room full of other toys.

Therefore, when you feel sad – express it! The basic behaviour that we associate with sadness is crying, which can make us feel better. Note that we all have tears, and so do you too –  big, small, female, male … We all cry! No, it is not true that only the weak cry –  we all cry and it can be a sign of great strength to show and express your feelings. We all have tears and we don’t need to hide them.

What can help you feel better besides crying is talking to others about what is bothering you. Imagine carrying one huge stone over your head, the stone is very heavy and you no longer have the strength to carry it. You can either keep carrying it and hurt yourself, throw a stone or ask someone to help you carry it. If you share the burden of the stone, it will be easier for you. You can also share your feelings with a loved one who can help you feel better. Also, experience shows us that hugs, physical activity, writing stories, keeping a diary, drawing, painting, and coloring, can help us feel better. So our goals shouldn’t be to avoid feeling sad. Our goal should be to express it in an adequate way, which will lead to a decrease in its intensity, and in return – make us feel better.

Ask yourself – when was the last time you felt sad? What happened? How did you help yourself in that situation? We encourage you to think about your sadness that you have to depict it somehow. What colour would your grief be — and would it be dark or light colour? What shape would it be – pointed, square, irregular, round? Deep or shallow? Would it have a face? Does your sadness have any name or word that describes it well? This can help you in our today’s activity – DRAW YOUR SADNESS! Choose any art technique and depict it. Although we all feel it – our drawings of sadness will vary greatly. What’s special is that your sadness is exactly yours and it’s okay to feel it! Do not hide and suppress it – just express it in adequate ways. ?

Center Luka Ritz